Your current and future opinions toward anything can be influenced by your past experiences. It may be difficult to let go of old stories that no longer serve you. If your previous dating experiences were unsuccessful, you might believe that dating is difficult. There is no disputing that it is possible. But we need to improve our dating skills and accept full responsibility for this aspect of our lives. Like any other skill, it is a skill.
It’s like a workout you’ll repeat over and over again until you reach the desired form
Dating is like exercising. One workout won’t make you Mr Olympia nor will you lose that 10 kilograms you put on due to a bad diet. Just like you would do with exercising, repeating the same workout over and over again until you reach the desired level of fitness, you need to work on your dating skills. And, the best way to improve your dating skills, is to go out on dates.
A date is like a test drive, it doesn’t mean that you’ll buy the car
Going on a date doesn’t mean a thing. It’s just a test to see how you feel around that person and whether you have something to talk about. So, don’t go thinking that maybe, this time, you’ll meet your soulmate and it will be the start of a love story. Be open to having a new experience and viewing any date just like that.
Don’t go on a date with a checklist in mind
He has to be 6ft tall, well educated, financially stable, cat person and interested in art. She has to be a brunette, independent, but not too independent, and she has to love all my friends.
These are checklist points and they can sabotage the dating process. Instead of this, ask yourself – in a year, would this be the person I’d see myself talking to on a sofa on a Wednesday night? This is something you should focus on, instead of trying to check the items on your list.
Figure out what you want
Accepting everything and anything that comes your way because you’re bored or lonely might hinder your dating success. You’ll repeat old dating patterns which may not serve you. Instead, try to figure out what you want. You can go to a psychotherapist and work on defining your core values and beliefs regarding love, relationships and dating. You can also sign up for matchmaking services, especially if you’re interested in gay dating. Navigating the area of same-sex relationships can be quite challenging, so find a professional who’ll provide a way to meet high-quality dates.
Is a relationship the only thing that will make me happy?
When we want to succeed in an area of our life, like our love life, we tend to put a narrow focus only on this one thing. But, is a relationship the only thing that will make you happy? Why don’t you try making yourself happy first, entirely on your own, so you’ll bring a different kind of energy to your dates? People that enjoy their own company and find fulfilment from within won’t seek external sources of validation. Once you master this, you’ll become someone people enjoy spending their time with because you fill them with passion and vibrant energy.
Learn from bad dates
A bad date is like a frog you kissed that turned out to be just a frog. The frog and prince metaphor can teach us to don’t give up even if we end up having a bad date. You’ll have to go through a few bad ones until you find the one that turns into dates two, or three and ultimately you reach your dating goal. With each bad date, you’ll learn something new about yourself, your values, your goals, and social skills and you’ll have a few interesting stories to tell to your friends. Just don’t be discouraged if someone who seemed interesting online, ends up being someone you don’t want to meet again.
Lastly, be kind to yourself. It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon. The goal is always in sight, but until you go on the ultimate first date that leads to a string of dates and a blossoming romance, you have no idea how many will be enough.
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